Just one week in the life of a Tree

OK....let's see here...
How shall I begin...hummmm
wait. Let me refill my coffee cup and have a cig...so I can sort this out yawl...ahhhhhh...

High Holy Holiday night, we take the mango out for his last walk of the day in the swampy heat.
Of course heading down the stairwell toward the shutter door, I say...
"hey, do you smell something burning?"
My girlfriend says no. OK .....
so we head on down good ol' Ursuline street in the quarter.
The smell gets stronger as we head toward Charters street.

Low and behold we run upon a crowd of tourists who are snapping away with their camera's.
SMOKE! ...
So here comes another group from the opposite side of the street yelling,
''HEY ARE YOU GUYS GONNA CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT OR SHALL I ?"
Well, the group looked down put their camera up and walked away...
while the group leader of the other tourists just looked on and hell, took her camera out to take pictures as well...( dumb asses).

We called 911, the local police department as well and waited about two minutes before I said
"move, that damn thing is gonna blow if it's not put out!"
I ran to a friends home about two doors from the trash fire and banged on their door to ask for a bucket of water....
here is what they had to say....

" honey I don't have a bucket...." I said hell give me a gumbo pot already, that garbage can is gonna blow and there are cars on that street".
Now would you believe he made me promise to bring the pot back before he filled it with water and handed it over?

Still no fire truck...so I took the damn thing while everyone else ran the other direction and just poured the water on the can from one side...went over to the other and put the rest on that side and well....it was smoldering and the can was already expanding...

Finally....here comes the truck....I jumped up and down in front of the can...no way was I gonna stand in the middle of the street to stop them...their butts were flying down Charters.

Guess what? the driver smiled and waved at me..and drove right past.
He went all the way to the other side of the quarter to Decatur and Charters...stupid.
We actually had to have someone go to the truck to direct them to the garbage can...
man ya just can't fix stupid.

What then? the manager from Stella's restaurant had to walk on down and walked back with one of the firemen who then called for the truck...a block down to come to were I was standing.

Now it's been almost a half hour....and the fireman looks and says...
"Oh dear lord the thing is still smoldering and we have to get the liner out and make sure the fire is out so move back..."

Liner? the damn thing had melted and was no longer in existence.
Well thank God for the one armed lesbian bucket barrage.

So why be upset if it is just a garbage can? well...if anyone has ever visited the quarter...
they should know...we all are close man...no alley's other then our walk ways to our homes that we call alley's with our secret gardens in toll.

The houses are close, most older then I can count....( opps did I really say that? man it's the heat)
and if one house goes and is not put out fast enough...hell you lose the entire French Quarter in a matter of minutes.

So night goes into day....I awake to a storm with water seeping into my home from the crappy old sideboards that my landlady says are in good condition and of no need to fix.
Up I go to move my bed so it doesn't get ruined...the hell with the base boards....hell they are already soft and rotted from all the rain coming in on the inside...

Well rain stops...thank god we had a good few seconds of it...the poor tree's were in great need of the water...
so I step out into my stairwell for a smoke.
I don't smoke in my apartment, because my girlfriend is asthmatic, besides that...I don't want the cat and dog to pick up the bad habit of smoking....I couldn't afford to pay for cig's for the whole house now!

So what do I step on? a firkin mouse! ahhhhhhhhh
Kali Kangaroo our out door kitty cat who adopted us after the storm left me a treat.
I keep telling her I like my meat cooked.
yuck.
so I pick it up and here she comes up the stairs....yowwwwww....
she gets right up to me and drops this salamander right in my hand. Poor thing,
He was still somewhat alive.

Well thanks to her, my amazonian plants are doing great with all the little dead things she keeps bringing me....
If that is not all....that cat has been trying to stuff dead things and live...in the cracks of the door for Sammy Diablo my way too big cat.

So my week goes on....I get up clean up step in the cat's poop because I wasn't fast enough to take it out of his box. God forbid should he use that box after he buried his prize winning poops in there..nooooooo...he's gotta kick the shit out and leave it for me to clean.

Now let me tell you. I'm doing all of this in between puking...blaaaaa
The doc has switched my meds for this stupid CRPS/RSDS and yuck man....
my new name as my girlfriend says is BARFET.
So I'm a wee bit green....but I do...do ....and doodoooooooo....

Then it's time for a meeting. Ahhhhh a good one at that too.
Only to find that we have indeed done a great job at clearing up our credit from the storm.
Yaaaaaa....HAPPY DANCE....
PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! do it to it man.

Two classes to finish and we shall be new home owners in the Gentile area.
Man I sure hope they have a fire watch group in the quarter after I leave.
I sure am tired of dying out fires...and let me tell you. That was only one that you know of...
Man I knew if my mama were taller I could have been a firefighter! Shame on that short woman for passing that on to me.

My first encounter was right after we got back and had to take an apartment in the quarter.
Not fun to awake and discover that a bunch of guys have been yelling at your window for about 20 minutes or so to tell you your house is catching on fire.
Ours and the neighbors...man did my butt move.

You see, our smart landlady disconnected the door bells to the building and has them hooked up to ring in the back yard.
We live next to a deli and because the windows are painted shut...all we hear is the compressor from next door, and our air conditioner. Trust me...it sounds louder then hell and doesn't put out much cool air when you live up under the dormers of a house.

Now that was scary....too much to get into, but thank god I keep fire extinguishers and have a long hose...( ya....go ahead and weep man...my hose is longer then yours!)

man I'm gonna miss living in the quarter...NOT.
I have enough beads to last me a life time.
At this point I have taken all of them and decorated the entire back patio and yard.
Man it looks like the bead god threw up all over the place.
Heeheee...tacky...funny. The landlady loves it.....

Man that woman is so strange. She watches my every move....not sure why. I don't think I would want to watch me all day...too weird for me even.

She watches in our neighbors windows with binoculars. No joke man.
She got someone kicked out of their apartment for smoking in bed...uh ha...you know she's watching.
So we actually have to keep our kitchen windows covered at all times...I like to run in my skin too much if ya know what I mean....I just keep it real.
I just can't believe that two women were killed in this apartment before we moved in.
As much as that woman watches, my guess would be..that she knows more then what she is saying...creepy...
and some guy by the name of John Henry Morgan was the culprit. For some reason I don't
believe that was his real name...what do you think?

I mean if I fart in that stairwell at like say....two in the morning she will come out...
and peek into the stair well....and say...."terrrrrrrrrezzzzzzzizdatu"?
the woman can't even get my name right.....creepy.
Now she knows it's me ....that woman watches my every move.
So how in the world could someone be killed in this apartment and stuffed into the kitchen cubby without anyone knowing or hearing? Heck that woman knows our conversations because,
she will sneak up our stairwell and listen. The freak!

I shudda known when one day she gave me a pair of pants and shorts....
saying " I had these laying around the house and can't use them as you can see, but I figured they would fit you perfectly".
uh ha...too good. Not to tight, not to loose...just perfect.
Now the shorts...uhm...i'm a wee bit to old to be wearing hoochi mamma things so I will pass on that one...no questions asked.

I got mad at my girlfriend one day and didn't cook for her and went and sat on the steps...and would you be live the landlady said...
"now terrrrrrezzzzzz, if I were you...i would look for another girl friend now while you are still young and looking good, if you wait any longer nobody will want you".
Ha???!!! why that @#$#@!~!!! cow!

That woman is so bad, my girlfriend jokes with me and calls me "terrrrrrrrezzzzzz" and say's
"look out...maria smells you"....
EKKKKKkkkkkk....damn slum lord...would be just my luck...I always manage to attract the weirdo's....
ahhhhhhhh....so this is my week folks....
anyone have a shovel and a table saw? I needs ta be doing me sum cooking of the landlady.
Joke...
Well I thought it was funny anyway...considering that the guy who killed his girlfriend cooked her part by part and eat some of her...then another disappeared and all of a sudden the guy was
Reading tarot cards at the square with a human skull.

Now Maria claims that she seen the girl come in, but never seen her leave...
the same with the first girl as well. She certainly knew that they fought alot,
and that he did drugs, and worked next door as a cook/delivery boy.
He was always late on the rent and always had something going on here...
heck she knows so much about him...I bet she knows the real truth as to what happen and won't say...all I know is the cops and FBI are still looking for the guy. They think he has killed more people....the last place they found he was at after the storm was in Alabama.

Now Maria won't change the locks on anything...this place has all the same locks and takes the same keys...I think she wants him to come back...that freak...

Hummmmmmm....wonder how long it will take before this place gets on the haunted house tours....

Well any who......so far so good...no fires...no mice, rats or rodents or otherwise yet on my steps to step on...Kali Kangaroo is taking a rest....now her interest is in Mango our dog...she goes into heat every time she See's him....weird....
Sammy...well I don't think he really knows what to do with her...he likes dog's not cat's...as far as mango goes....he only likes cat's...man is this house confusing....
me gotta go and have my head checked along with them!

OK yawl...keep those gumbo pots handy. Ya never know when I may need one....
and until the next long drugged out blogggggggggg...

Keep it real folks...step up and take control of yourselves...do something good for someone,
and keep the peace....remember....always...
"THIS LITTLE LITE OF MINEEEEEEEEI'M GONNA LET IT SHINEEEEEEEE"
owwwwwpeanutbutterjellypeanutbutterjelly...let it roll......

PEACE MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS..PEACE.